“Next!” cried the man behind the service counter and my attention was drawn to the plate that he was holding “Oh… umm… one plate idli vada please!” I turned back to check out the pink and white thing, out of curiosity, but I didn’t find anything. It was while I was returning my gaze back to the counter that the overenthusiastic dude in the white apron thrust the plate at my face so fast like something from a kung-fu movie. Even Neo (Matrix fame), who spends most of his waking hours dodging bullets, would have had a hard time in dodging that plate. As it were, my reflexes kicked in and my head snapped back hitting the guy behind me square on the nose. “Owwwwww!” he screamed into my ears. That was when my reflexes went haywire and my right hand swung backwards and hit the guy behind me full on the crotch “Aiyeeeeeeee…..!”. I turned back to find him clutching at his crotch as if it was gonna fall off .... "This is no time for sarcasm" I thought to myself.
“Dude, I am so sorry man! It wasn’t me. It’s Jet Li behind the counter who…” and I stopped… the words frozen in my mouth. The guy, still not letting go off his crotch, had bent over his knees in pain and that was when I saw the pink and white vision again. Oh yes! A vision…. indeed! A chick (read that as hot babe), in her early twenties wearing a pink top and white trousers, stood behind the guy writhing in pain on the floor. I literally drooled… and the poor sod on the floor was at the receiving end of my drool. “What the…?!!” I heard a muffled cry from the floor. Quickly, regaining my infallible wit, I made a quick dash for the empty table I’d spotted earlier, away from any further embarrassment to self.
Once seated, I attacked the idli’s like a possessed man, tearing off a chunk here, tearing off one there with my spoon and drowning it in hot sambar. I stole a quick glance in the general direction of where the recent embarrassing episode took place. Nope! No sign of the crotch grabbing moron or the chick! I turned my attention to the tortured idli chunk ensconced in my spoon and gave it an evil grin. Bringing it closer and closer to my wide grinning mouth, I kept trying to picture the look of terror on its “face”. While in this trance-like state, my eyes happened to fall on the table opposite me. There she was … just sitting there, staring at me and shaking her head obviously disapproving my antics.
“Uh-oh! …. think, think, think … there’s gotta be a way outta this!” Next thing I knew, my hands flew to my trouser pockets and pulled out my cell phone and put on a serious face while speaking into the phone aloud, “Yes! ……Ohhh! That is despicable. Can’t you guys do anything right?!! I’m on my way!”. Pocketing the phone, I shrugged my shoulders at the chick who was still staring at me and mouthed the words “Gotta go!” at which her left eyebrow rose a notch higher than the other. I got the message and made a dash for the elevators. These days I wear a skull-cap and dark shades whenever I hit the cafeteria.
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